Steve's Going on a Beer Run!
By Van Stone
About the song:
Van Stone's song "Steve's Going on a Beer Run!" is the perfect song for the Hidden Agendas theme. Before we recruited Cliff Steinberger to play in Van Stone, he used to be in a prog-metal band called "Hidden Agenda" from over in Quartz Hill, CA. Their drum tech was a dude named STEVE - Steve Rossman - and he used to cop beer for us when we were in high school. before Lonnie and I got transferred to Votech, and Hawk, our Roadie, got suspended for starting fires and had to go to the Mormon Boot Camp, and Steve Rossman was incarcerated for identity theft and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. "Steve's Going on a Beer Run!" is about a different Steve, though.
– Randy Van Stone, Van Stone
Lyrics
It's Friday night, and Gerber's having a blowout
In his stepdad's basement.
They're yelling, "Randy, we need YOU to buy us beer."
"Sorry, no can do.
Lost my wallet on the last canoe trip,
tryin' to save the cooler," which I did!
So little Stevie Coburn says: "Hey, I got an ID"
AND HE DID!
Some old Asian dude's license he found next to a stack
of old porno mags in the woods behind K-mart
And I said "Stevie, YOU'RE gonna buy the beer."
So he got up his courage
and we hopped in the car
and drove down to the liquor store
and we pulled in the lot
and checked for the cops
"Time to use your fake ID!"
Steve's going on a beer run! (x3)
Getting beer for you and me
Steve's going on beer run! (x3)
Gonna use his fake I.D.
The Liquor Emporium!
Home to fine wines, spirits and of course, nature's
nectar: BEER!!!
It was Stevie's first time in a liquor store
and it was blowin' his mind.
Bottles rose up around him like a city of glass.
It was Booze-opolis.
I said "Stevie, eyes on the prize,
we're on a mission, man"
And I loaded him down -
Suitcase of Pabst, a Coors party ball,
and a huge bottle of Jagermeister.
Poor kid could barely walk.
So he stumbled down the aisle
and he almost fell.
Put the beer down on the counter top
And a lady rang him up
and she gave a second look:
"I'm gonna need to see ID"
(She said)
Steve's going on a beer run! (x3)
He's getting beer for you and me.
Steve's going on a beer run (x3)
Gonna use his fake ID
The moment of truth had arrived:
Would the cashier believe
14-year-old Steven J. Coburn, Jr
was, in fact, a 53-year-old guy named
Kim Young-Song of South Korea.
A bead of sweat rolled down Stevie's nose
I was like Obi-Wan Kenobi to the young Skywalker
as I whispered, "Stay cool, man, use the Force"
BUSTED!
Turned out the ID belonged to the store owner, Mr. Kim
Who started yelling, "That my ID"
But then I remembered: porno - woods - K-mart
And put it all together Columbo-style.
"Not so fast, Mr. Kim!
What were YOU doing with a stack of old porno in the
woods behind Kmart?"
Now HE was busted
And had no choice but to give us our beer.
And as I turned to leave, I said:
"Oh, and one more thing Mr. Kim:
Was it real porn or soft-core?"
He said he didn't remember. I don't believe him.
So we left the store
and hopped in the car
and drove on back to the Gerber's house
Stevie was a legend
with an arm full of beer
but now he lost his fake ID
Steve's going on a beer run (x3)